Tuesday, November 20, 2012

WHO AM I ? !

It seems I was "No body", before I come to this abstract area. I am a blogger and going to remains in this page

I write as writing is like breathing to me. If I want to survive I should write. Million laws, tradition, culture rule stopped me of talking. Now writing is my voice, the only voice that I have. May or may not once comes that something happen that stops me of writing.  Here is the only place that can go back and take step in different direction. I was thinking who am I? The “I” that killed long time before. I didn’t find chance to save it. I didn’t even know who killed it’. All that I know is that “I “are not here anymore.

The one is here is something they made it. People around me that they shaped me and put it instead of “I” . I can’t tell you how much this “me” is different from that real “I”. As I can’t remember it.  Sometimes feel she is moving from me silently like a ghost. Sometimes I miss her. When I write it seems I am going to give life to her.  Writing from the real side of life, all real desire and challenges that one face by losing her freedom. Writing of the moments of pain, sorrow that one reach by missing all her dreams. Writing of all moments of falling and rising again. Writing about the dark side of life.  About hope that comes not from inside but far from you. Writing about challenges that one can go through and come out of it. Writing about all broken heart and the voiceless people who, has nothing to share except pain. Writing about all moments of life that one can kill every day to just reach unknown ,unseen future.....

Monday, November 12, 2012

shadow of light

I found time 
to look back
I found a bag 
we locked it together
I opened it 
I found smell of life 
smile 
care 
and all your promises...
 



Childhood Garden Adulthood battle



when I was a child ..seems life was sweet and people were innocence...all my concern was limit to play and spend time in small garden in my grandparents house ....people around me all were familiar with each other...I was able to understand and feel comfortable all people, who touched my hair and hold my hands ...garnd parents , father , mother ,cousins ,uncle ....were member of my small world ....my playground was middle of a garden that we used to sit around ...use the fruit of tress and sit under the shadow of tree in summer season....my hand was familiar with every single tree ,planet in that garden ... I was the one who alway told hi to garden and hug tries as my dearest ....grand father's rough hand touched my hair and with simplest and beautiful smile showed me the new plants in garden and I gave them name....his smile with so many line in his face was sweet ...
my grand mother care for me to eat and study ...however she never seen my face ...
but she always called me as beautiful girl....she never seen my face but it seems she was the only one was able to see heart ....to see future ...father with all special love was the pillar for my life ...center of power ...whom can do every thing ....They gave me too much care and love that made me different from that time..and time passed ...one day grand father left this world ...I thought will stop my grand mother but she passed a way when I was hugging her and combing her hair with my hand  then my father ...when he still had dream to see me in university.. he was not the last dearest that i lost ....then childhood got over with so much sorrow...I am in adult hood ...now the childhood Garden is no more it became part of high way and no place to see any familiar face ....adulthood came too early to me ...they have forgotten to teach me how should I manage this world ...they just thought me to be a happy child ....do they didn't know about the cruel life that I should challenge? Now I miss all lovely time...I miss my dad hug...my grand parents smile ...I
just want my small childhood garden ...that spent my happiest part of life there .



Saturday, November 10, 2012

waiting for Tomorrow

 waiting for tomorrow 

to take back 

All that yesterday took from me

waiting for tomorrow 

to give back all the pain that 

yesterday gave me 

waiting for tomorrow ...


Sunday, November 4, 2012

still I hang all my dream
on  your last promise
come back
give me new promise
I hold all minutes
all hours
all days
ask them
about you


Asal

your childhood painting
My adulthood picture

your childhood dream
my adulthood desire

your childhood wishes
my adulthood sorrow

Your beautiful world
My complicated world...

Give me a paper
to draw a picture

one black pencil
to show all darknes

all shadow
....all separation

all loneliness
all sorrow

all hopeless
your childhood painting

full of smile
my adulthood painting
full of tears