Monday, December 31, 2012

Lost in you

Like a child  hold mothers hand in UN known  place
Like  leafs hold the branches in the last days of fall 
Like  a loser in the moment of last chance
Like a lover in the moment of separation
Like a forgotten promise 
like a broken heart 
 Like a desert in summer 
like a man with out pride 
Like a human with out God 
Like a patient in the last breath of life
I am lost in your world ....

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Image of you

I had one picture  of you
I have taken 10000000 copy of it
Now all my mind
All my heart
is full of you ....

Dreams for your smile

give me a reason 
to go further more 
to take one more step 
Give me a reason 
to walk and cross 
all limitation 
give me just one smile 
will walk in any direction ...


Responsible

who is responsible
for all moment that I killed
in your absence ?


last night I had a dream
Colorful dream
The peaceful dream
You were there in my dream
with your beautiful smile
I was there with tears in my eyes
How short was my dream ....
everything changed when I got up
Except tears that were in my eyes ...

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Asal

In the time of sorrow
your innocence eyes give me hope ...

Asal

You are the only sweet memory that I have from home...your smile ...

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

WHO AM I ? !

It seems I was "No body", before I come to this abstract area. I am a blogger and going to remains in this page

I write as writing is like breathing to me. If I want to survive I should write. Million laws, tradition, culture rule stopped me of talking. Now writing is my voice, the only voice that I have. May or may not once comes that something happen that stops me of writing.  Here is the only place that can go back and take step in different direction. I was thinking who am I? The “I” that killed long time before. I didn’t find chance to save it. I didn’t even know who killed it’. All that I know is that “I “are not here anymore.

The one is here is something they made it. People around me that they shaped me and put it instead of “I” . I can’t tell you how much this “me” is different from that real “I”. As I can’t remember it.  Sometimes feel she is moving from me silently like a ghost. Sometimes I miss her. When I write it seems I am going to give life to her.  Writing from the real side of life, all real desire and challenges that one face by losing her freedom. Writing of the moments of pain, sorrow that one reach by missing all her dreams. Writing of all moments of falling and rising again. Writing about the dark side of life.  About hope that comes not from inside but far from you. Writing about challenges that one can go through and come out of it. Writing about all broken heart and the voiceless people who, has nothing to share except pain. Writing about all moments of life that one can kill every day to just reach unknown ,unseen future.....

Monday, November 12, 2012

shadow of light

I found time 
to look back
I found a bag 
we locked it together
I opened it 
I found smell of life 
smile 
care 
and all your promises...
 



Childhood Garden Adulthood battle



when I was a child ..seems life was sweet and people were innocence...all my concern was limit to play and spend time in small garden in my grandparents house ....people around me all were familiar with each other...I was able to understand and feel comfortable all people, who touched my hair and hold my hands ...garnd parents , father , mother ,cousins ,uncle ....were member of my small world ....my playground was middle of a garden that we used to sit around ...use the fruit of tress and sit under the shadow of tree in summer season....my hand was familiar with every single tree ,planet in that garden ... I was the one who alway told hi to garden and hug tries as my dearest ....grand father's rough hand touched my hair and with simplest and beautiful smile showed me the new plants in garden and I gave them name....his smile with so many line in his face was sweet ...
my grand mother care for me to eat and study ...however she never seen my face ...
but she always called me as beautiful girl....she never seen my face but it seems she was the only one was able to see heart ....to see future ...father with all special love was the pillar for my life ...center of power ...whom can do every thing ....They gave me too much care and love that made me different from that time..and time passed ...one day grand father left this world ...I thought will stop my grand mother but she passed a way when I was hugging her and combing her hair with my hand  then my father ...when he still had dream to see me in university.. he was not the last dearest that i lost ....then childhood got over with so much sorrow...I am in adult hood ...now the childhood Garden is no more it became part of high way and no place to see any familiar face ....adulthood came too early to me ...they have forgotten to teach me how should I manage this world ...they just thought me to be a happy child ....do they didn't know about the cruel life that I should challenge? Now I miss all lovely time...I miss my dad hug...my grand parents smile ...I
just want my small childhood garden ...that spent my happiest part of life there .



Saturday, November 10, 2012

waiting for Tomorrow

 waiting for tomorrow 

to take back 

All that yesterday took from me

waiting for tomorrow 

to give back all the pain that 

yesterday gave me 

waiting for tomorrow ...


Sunday, November 4, 2012

still I hang all my dream
on  your last promise
come back
give me new promise
I hold all minutes
all hours
all days
ask them
about you


Asal

your childhood painting
My adulthood picture

your childhood dream
my adulthood desire

your childhood wishes
my adulthood sorrow

Your beautiful world
My complicated world...

Give me a paper
to draw a picture

one black pencil
to show all darknes

all shadow
....all separation

all loneliness
all sorrow

all hopeless
your childhood painting

full of smile
my adulthood painting
full of tears
  

Sunday, September 16, 2012

My lonelyness and your picture


Your picture still is in my head 

You are not here 

but 

thousands of your picture is here

Picture of pain

picture of sorrow

picture of waiting

picture of displacement

picture of rootless

but not heartless

All and all hanging around me 

your eyes question me 

You are not here to see 

how I receive thousands answer from the wall

the wall that carry your picture

you are not here to see

every line of your face hanging me 

Thousands hands raise from the wall 

to hold my face and show me your picture 

you are the child of my ignorace

you are the result of my blindness

 

you are not here to see 

How I built you the way I wanted

You hang all your dream all over me

You are shouting silently 

Forgive me for all I did to you.....

 


Saturday, September 8, 2012

Horseman

Come one more time 
Lets dream together 
Dream for better world 
Dream for better life
Dream for future....



Monday, June 11, 2012

I need to find myself in you







I am lost 
believe me I am lost
I need to do something
write your memory
write your diary
I need to find myself in it
write your diary ....just for me ...
You are the only one
still remember me ....
I am pretty sure.....

Saturday, May 5, 2012

command me

You are the king of my small heart
Come ...one more time ...one more chance
Come ...once again....rule me ...
Command me ....
This land has no other king ...

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

black and white

 All my memory of you is black and white
I know from the time my pictures became colorful ...all my happiness gone. 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

When life was more kind

Do you know where should I go to find my childhood ?
My past
My happiness
the time that life was beautiful
the time that my dad was the biggest man in my mind
the time that all story that I read
End with happiness
The time that ....

Lost

Since I became strange in your life
I ask about you
from strange people

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

None of them like you

There are many faces around
some of them smiling
some of them look at me
But
None of them touch my heart as you do ...

Search for your hand

Look at me
This is all about me
searching in every corner
To find your hands ...
The hand that can do miracle ...

I promise I will never dream

Where is my childhood?                                           
I want to go back
back to my childhood
I promise I will never dream for future
I promise I will never dream for adulthood ...
let me to go back to my childhood ..
The time that father was strongest man in my eyes
The time that all stories had happy ending ...
Where is my childhood ?
I want to go back ...
Back to my childhood ...

Friday, April 13, 2012

With out YOU

This is all about me
This is all about me
After you....

Monday, April 9, 2012

Never without you

Trust me 
That without you I will never surface ....
Ever Never

Fate

He told me ...
God give us a pencil to draw our life ...
To design our fate
A while sheet
And time to complete our painting
I know if God see my sheet
He can see
one picture ...
one name ...
That is you...only you....all my fate...all my life.

Beg you

I knocked the door
You didn't open it
I insisted and insisted
But
Still door is closed
Now I beg you
Beg you to stay
Beg you to look at me
Beg you to hold me
Beg you to read me



I asked him desperately ....
How can I connect with God
He told me
If you become deeply Sad
Fully desperate
completely upset
Then
You can see Him
closely......
Today I am desperate....Upset ...Sad ...     

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Home

Home was not like the picture you showed me
Home was unknown
Home was not friendly
Home didn't look after me ...

spring didn't come here

I let you go
with so much pain
I let you go
with so much sorrow
I let you go
still waiting
for you to come back
waiting to hear your voice


April without you

April without you
Is slow,awkward
And painful ....

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Who killed my life?

Don't look back ...Don't look back
some one whispered 
It was a funeral ...
women with black dress
with Red eyes
Some one passed away 
I looked at his face 
I didn't know him 
I never saw him 
some one passed 
Later a passenger told me 
"He was your life"
Since that day 
No life is around  
I am going to give complain 
Some one killed my life 
No it is late ...it is too late 
I should have known it's value 
I am begging you, Don't look back 
There is no life here ...